Uckfield Grasshoppers 1 – 5 Hove Rivervale

Today’s escapade could be best described as in what was a good old traditional British early round, battling cup tie. Images of Ronnie Radford in his muddy kit doing his airplane celebration, howling winds and wet conditions, nostalgia at it’s best. Muddy brilliant or was it muddy hell.

I walked away from the game very proud of the all round performance of the team. Again the score line flattered the opposition who were given a big leg up by Lady Luck. Whereas she chose to smile on Hove, she chose to flick the V’s at the boys in yellow when our chances arose. When you consider the three attempts that struck the woodwork and the ball holding up in the mud as it headed towards the goal, old biased Miss Luck did have it in for us a bit.

I was impressed with the attitude of everyone, from the warm up to the final whistle everyone gave 100% for the entire match. In games gone by heads have dropped when we have gone a couple of goals down and that has allowed the opposition to get a couple more, indiscipline creeps in and creates spaces for the opposition to exploit. I was pleased that this was not the case today and everyone’s efforts, as well as their team play was outstanding. Had the old cow Luck been a bit more impartial today, it could have been a much different ending.

That’s to take nothing away from what was a good Hove side who took their chances well. They arguably deserved their win but I felt that we matched them in all areas of the park except that they had Miss Hissy Prissy Luck smiling divinely at them.

Regan was largely untroubled except for adding a little further strain to his pre-existing back injury bending over to pick the ball out of the net, but coming off freezing cold showed just how little he had to do throughout the game. When he was called on he did well and was not to blame for any of the goals that did go past him.

The back four were did well and it was good to hear Harry Coleman marshalling them vociferously throughout the game, always encouraging and keeping his lieutenants switched on. Crispy and Brandon continue to improve and Sam did well but his exertions caused him to flag a bit as the game wore on and he was replaced by Freddie who did well, showing that it’s and easier game when it’s played simple.

The midfield again worked tirelessly with Jarvis and Charlie working well, with their respective attacking and defensive roles complementing each other well. Fergus again covered a half marathon though was caught in possession a few times, releasing the ball earlier and allowing his pace to put him in a position to receive a return might have been the better option. Josh completed the midfield quartet and gave what we have come to expect, a competent good performance.

Toby and Josh worked well up front and did well in difficult conditions but always provided an option for the midfield which was good to see.

Matt and Pat came on for the final few minutes but by which time the game was already lost, but, to their credit they maintained the level of effort and commitment that had been set and chased everything down and still looked to play good football.

To the untrained eye, such is mine, the best bit was undoubtedly seeing the lads actually incorporate what had been worked in training  during a match. You may not actually have been aware you were doing it, but the way you were moving the ball, getting passes away before the opposition closed you down, resisting the temptation to overplay and take on the world only to run into a dead end or loose possession, was actually very encouraging to see. And in the main you all did it very well. These are technical aspects of your play that you all need to work on and practice.

So, as a very famous football person, it might even have been me, said. Don’t practice it till you get it right, practice it until you don’t get it wrong!

Let’s keep the attitude we saw today and take it into training.

A very big well done.

WARNING – For those who think of their ‘Little Soldiers’ having a jolly kick around on a Sunday do not read on as the content may offend. I have tempered the report in light of an improved performance at Ashurstwood but it is with Jarvis Brook in mind that I have written this, as there was no doubt that the 5-0 defeat at Jarvis Brook flattered US!

There were notable exceptions with the one most worthy of praise being Henry, who was kept busy for the entire match, controlled his area well coming off his line and preventing an absolute avalanche. Well done Henry a magnificent performance that drew great praise from the opposition coaching staff.

Regan, Henry, Callum, Charlie and Toby are worthy of note for trying to do the right thing, but like Marks and Spencers undies they were lacking support and generally all the good work came to nothing. Fergus ran all day again but that effort is only effective if the end result is something that can be built on and options are made available by players thinking off the ball. Had there been any support play I would comment on it but sadly there was none on offer and again like the Lehman’s Brothers balance sheet there was nothing there.

Now it’s time for my rant…..if I owned a hair drier it would be set to maximum temperature and power and if I was still able to lift my leg more than two foot off the ground, tea cups would be kicked into the middle of next week. So here goes…..

The will be many, like myself, who will stand on the touchline and have opinions about what went wrong, who was to blame etc. and I know that some will be more vocal of their criticisms than others, saying selection, tactics, positions etc are wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m afraid as having watched training on the Wednesday prior to the match and then the match itself, the problem lies in the attitude, application and individual discipline. These are the qualities that are lacking. The excellent performance of the previous week meant nothing when we don’t build on positive performance, recognising and applying the good aspects of play.

Comparing yourselves with Jarvis Brook, individually you are technically as able and in some quarters more so. Where we fell apart however was not performing as a unit. That’s not down to coaching, that’s down to individuals not doing the jobs they are asked. On several occasions there were six players in the front line, even when we didn’t have possession. Andy was screaming at the midfield to drop back and they all looked at him as though he was some sort of loonatic singing Latvian folk songs, and then have the audacity to give him back chat. Unacceptable !

I have seen the effort and thought that goes into devising some of the drills only to hear lads say that’s easy, why are we doing that. Can’t we play a game. On the Jarvis Brook performance apparently it’s not too easy as you couldn’t do it. That was plain for all to see. Holding a position, passing and moving, simple passing even. All absent. If you want to see the problem look in the mirror and ask youself if you performed, tried your best, did what you were asked, encouraged your team mates. If you can honestly say yes, and there are a few of you then well done keep it up. To the rest of you, you get out what you put in. Stop whinging, knuckle down and work a bit harder, do what you are being asked in training, train hard and the rewards will come on the pitch. That’s what we all want to see. If all you’re interested in is a kick about with your mates, then buy a ball and go and do that, and good luck.

The most important thing is enjoying your football, enjoyment accompanies success and success comes with hard work. I know of the hard work that Nigel, Andy and the others put in behind the scenes to provide you with the opportunity to play. I know how much you all want to play and do well but, as good as you all are, individual talent is not enough (Look as Spurs!!!!) good individuals win nothing, good teams win everything.

At Jarvis Brook you weren’t beaten by better players you were beaten by a better team. Learn from that.

Here endeth my rant.

It was good to see the positive response at Ashurstwood with the return of the unsung, yet no less influential players. You can only build on that if you maintain the team ethic. I am glad to see the coaches recognising effort and wholeheartedly support them in the decisions that they make and thank them for the continued efforts they put in their own time unpaid for the benefit of all the kids.

With wounds of the heavy defeat to our bogey team, Crowborough, of two weeks ago still smarting it was time to host them at home and seek our revenge and whilst the result went in favour of the bogey men once again there were a huge amount of positives to be taken from a game that was a joy to watch.

Without wishing to appear disrespectful, and mindful that I have not seen every game this season, it was the first time I can honestly say, hand on heart, that what I witnessed was a real team performance. Obviously given the result there were one or two areas to be worked on, but the general performance saw everyone playing for each other instead of the MAD’s (Mums and Dads) on the touchline. Hopefully we will see this team spirit continue until it will undoubtedly fall apart again when the HAG’s (Hangers-on and Girlfiends) become the distraction of the day.

Whilst the team performance was the highlight of the day a special mention to Charlie and Jake for their contributions this week.

Charlie has been a superb addition to the squad and has brought a stability and presence which appear equally effective in defence or midfield. Rumour has it he’s not a bad goalie either. Just the striking bit to sort out and he will be the complete utility player. What he has shown is that playing simple passing football is very effective, letting the ball beat the player, doing what you can do well, not trying to over complicate things and not overplay possession. Good work Charlie keep it going.

Jake, even though he does wear those fancy sock, show pony, things, was very impressive this week, not necessarily for what he did with the ball but for what he did without it. His movement off the ball, running into spaces and providing options was a joy to watch. Many of the drills that are done in training are geared up to passing and movement and Jake showed that he is taking that on board and bringing what he has learned in training into match senario’s. Well done Jake an excellent example to your team mates.

The result again did not reflect performance or possession as for much of the game we dominated and outplayed what was a good Crowborough side. Where we fell away was on being hit on the break through the middle which gifted the Bogeymen more than one of their goals. As a team you need to identify those things during the course of the game and communicate with each other to deal with them.

Two controversial incidents did have an impact on the game, firstly Regan’s schizophrenia kicking in and causing his ‘Regan the keeper’ persona to dominate his thoughts instead of ‘Regan the defender’ as he leapt like a salmon to palm the ball clear and save a sure goal. Hush descended over the ground as the referee reached into his pocket…..

At this point I would like to make mention of the sportsmanship of both Mick, the Crowborough coach and Ronnie, the bogiest of the bogey men, who both immediately made representations to the referee not to issue what could easily have been an automatic red card. Well done guys (loud applause from Uckfield Grashoppers)…………….

………..and produced a yellow.

The second incident had the crowd, management and Alan Hansen calling for the introduction of goal line technology or a Russian linesman as the debate raged as to whether Toby’s shot had indeed crossed the line. The record books and more importantly the referee said it didn’t, but that could have had a significant bearing on the game. Having been 3-0 down at half time the game could have quickly run away from us, however a positive start to the second half saw Jake score in the 5th minute to make it 3-1, although not given a number of parents did believe that Tobes was mugged and that the ball had crossed the line. It wasn’t given but getting back to 3-2 Crowborough were rocking under the pressure and who knows what would have happened. As we pushed forward right to the end a late goal made it 4-1 to Crowborough which didn’t really reflect on how we’d played.

Anyway as disappointing as the result was I and I know may of the others who watched went away not really feeling that disappointed as I felt I had witnessed one of the best team performance to date where as I have said everyone played for each other, heads didn’t drop on going a couple of goals behind and the level of effort and commitment was there to the final whistle. Could maturity be coming to visit? Let’s hope so and keep this spirit going. A joy to watch, well done.

Well here we are again, Ronaldo stayed, Berbatov went, Robinho went, but he wasn’t sure where, and didn’t really care as it was for buckets of cash. And whilst all this was going on there were changes afoot in the land of Grasshoppers U12’s as well, with Nice ‘n’ Crispy taking on the management of the team and pulling in Andy C to assist with the training. Fergus’s dad is a Management Consultant but it hasn’t worked at Newcastle so his undoubted talents will remain largely ignored by the board of the U12’s as well.

So with the toil of pre-season out of the way it was evident that the new managers were active in the transfer window with a few new faces being welcomed into the fold. We wish them well!

With the new season comes new aspirations and expectations as we are hoping to kick on from last season and make our mark in the top tier of local U12 football. I will, availability allowing, be here on the touchline ranting about were it all went wrong hopefully much less than I wax lyrical about sublime team performances and moments of genius as the beautiful game unfolds before my eyes.

I will at this stage make it clear that I will endeavour to be fair in my praise and criticism. I mean no offence so please do not take any. If you don’t like what I write please feel free not to read. This will hopefully avoid any unintentional offence. So if you are sitting comfortably then I’ll begin…….

GRASSHOPPERS 2 – 1 ASHURSTWOOD

Who would have thought that last season’s theme of extreme conditions would have an influence on the view from the edge so early on in the season. But with the first game of the season abandoned due to tropical storms sweeping across the UK it was only last week that proceedings kicked off proper.

So having beaten all the snakes out of the lush grass that had obviously flourished in the additional rain, it was the shrill blast of the referees whistle that got things going at last. And whilst it wasn’t always pretty, starting the campaign with a win can’t be complained about and against a team we’ve never beaten before either.

The 2-1 result flattered the opposition given that we controlled the game to a large extent. It has to be said though that sometimes poor decision making and a reluctance to move the ball had the effect of frustrating attacks and prevented us making the most of our possession.

There were the usual constants in the solid defence who will play a big part in the success of the team this year. They’re often the unsung hero’s of a win who don’t always get the opportunity to grab the headlines.

This week it was the midfield which appeared to me to be the area where play tended to get frustrated with the ball being overplayed in tight areas when large spaces were sometimes available to be exploited. At times a simple square ball would have opened up the opposition, for those not accustomed to football speak a square ball is a pass that is played sideways across the pitch, its not the shape of the actual ball. DOH!. This isn’t always the fault of the man on the ball as everyone has a gob on them and can contribute to the team by making the ball player aware of the options available by telling him - LOUDLY. So even if you haven’t got the ball, you’re still involved and have a role to play. Communication is a big part of the game and an area where there can be a collective improvement.

A bright start had seen a nice shot from Josh in the 8th minute saved well by their keeper, not to be outdone Jarv was keen to put the broken arm behind him and get on the score sheet early, a thunderous shot from outside the box just going wide in the 14th minute. Chances came thick and fast and Regan was keen to get in on the action, Josh set the ball up but again we couldn’t find the back of the net. We didn’t have to wait much longer, Josh laid off a great ball for Toby "Ice Man" Aldred to slot away, 20 minutes gone 1-0 the hoppers. Further chances went begging but Ashurst Wood held out till half time.

It was an all action start to the second half with a great break from Fergus in the second minute, clean through on goal with only the onrushing keeper to beat…resulted in what can only be described as a complete hash. Freddie then got in on the act with a shot in the 9th minute but it came to Josh to show everyone how it should be done, a thundering left foot volley flew in, 14 minutes gone 2-0. Further chances came for Jarv in the 19th and 21st minutes, he read the ball well from a goal kick, intercepted and shot the ball back only for it to skin over the bar. Jake,  a new signing from the summer, nearly got a debut goal late on but just shot into the well placed keeper.  With 5 minutes to go Ashust Wood scored and put us on the rack for the remainder of the game but we held out to start the season with a win.

So well done lads a great start. There is room for improvement and with hard work, concentration and effort on the training pitch coupled with application and commitment in matches there’s no reason why we can’t challenge for the honours again this season.

Apologies in advance as I won’t be here to cover the Jarvis Brook match next week, but in the unfaltering words of Captain Mannering, “Let’s stick it up them!”

Well here we are with the final ramblings of the season. Hailsham was a nothing match as all the league placings had been decided before the kick off, these are always harder to motivate yourself for and based on the performance this was clear to see. This was therefore an opportunity to give all those little souls who’d stood freezing for many an hour on many a touchline a good old run out, but the gamesmaster had other things on his mind. Frustrated that an earlier game of snakes and ladders with Billy had gone the way Townsley the Younger, Rich was out to exact his revenge, and he had Hailsham in his sights, and boy would he make them and the spectators suffer.

In keeping with tradition the conditions were what we’ve come to expect this season, extreme. So long was the grass that had Regan not spiked his hair up before the match he would have been completely concealed in the undergrowth. It took a ball with an inserted bell to ensure that players were aware of where it was when passed along the floor.

With all the rain that had fallen in the preceding days it meant that the extremities were added to and a croc watch was set up amongst spectators in the more swampy areas of the pitch. It was the same for both teams of course so this doesn’t excuse the performance as Hailsham were much the better side at times and deserved their lead in the first half, at least the spectators had the interest of a game of marsh soccer to ponder over.

It was probably the first occasion this season when there’s been a pitch invasion and not just any old pitch invasion at that, the invader was no less than the famous Ethel Manning, the octogenarian invader of many a sporting event. Indeed Ethel started her incursions onto the fields’ of play as early as 1933 and has continued to disrupt events on a regular basis ever since. With a patent on her special green camouflaged and hooded anorak she’s become well used to being wrestled to the ground and carried off by a burly steward. However on this occasion Ethel was somewhat disappointed with no reaction other than one of puzzlement and fear from the boys on the pitch and great amusement of those on the touchlines. And so, slightly dejected, she wandered off to plan her next solo pitch invasion with the hope of a more feisty reaction from the Under 15’s game on the pitch next to us.

Anyway as I’ve said the game did not mean much as the league had effectively been decided when we lost to Tonbridge 4-3, but the boys equipped themselves well and rode out worthy winners.  It was an end to end start with another goal from Toby, who had a prolific finish to the season, putting us in front in the 5th minute. Hailsham responded immediately with a break through the middle and shot which went just outside the post, more was to come. Another direct run through the middle was finished off with a nice chip over Henry, it was a good finish and rightly put Hailsham level, more chances followed for both teams in a scrappy game with Jarvis just firing over the bar after 12 minutes. Again Hailsham struck back and went ahead but only for two minutes, Toby hit the bar and the rebound fell back to Tommy to shoot through a number of legs to put us level. 2-2 and as we began to think of half time up popped Ethel with her pitch invasion to close out the half.

Freddie put us ahead in the 35th minute only to be followed by another pitch invasion, this time from a pit bull terrier! A slightly nervous team continued with Henry keeping out Hailsham with great diving save, shortly followed by some excellent defending by Brandon who tracked back to make a covering tackle for Regan who’d slipped and become burried in the long grass. And so the season came to a close when with 2 minutes to go Jarvis, who’s had a prolific season, scored again, 4-2 and the season closed with a win.

For the final time this season the nets came down, the flags came up and a grateful farmer could finally get onto the pitch and cut the silage that he had been growing for many months.

As I’ve stated in my last couple of reports the boys really have done well this season, finishing in the top two is an achievement and one that can hopefully be built upon. We saw a few times what this team is fully capable when they really play as a team, getting this more consistent is the key to future success.

Many thanks must go to the Coaches, the parents who come so frequently and lend their support in all weathers, and to the boys who have provided so much entertainment.  A very big thank you to you all, and a special thank you to you all for tolerating the ramblings of a madman, taking the time to read them and for the editor for allowing them to be posted.

One final thing, I’ve put the clown suit on mothballs, but hopefully it will get an airing in the near future. To give you an incentive if you lift a trophy at a tournament over the summer I’ll wear it to the first home game of the new season. 

Have a great summer and look forward to you hearing from me in September.

‘The Edge’

As dawn broke we said goodbye to our loved ones, not knowing what age they may be when we returned, and undertook the long expedition to Tenterden. The match was actually rescheduled to be played in Appledore, which seemed to be a small hamlet just outside Calais, so we had our first ever international game to play! We arrived in plenty of time, indeed, several of the travelling support had time for a picnic and a read of the Sunday papers before the opposition arrived. We were all grateful for the early start as it meant we missed the traffic…..as well as an extra hours kip!

The journey had such an effect on Jarvis that he needed an isotonic sausage roll, high carb crisps, a protein packed mars bar and a powerade just to face the task ahead. And what a task he and his team were about to endure.

This season I’ve often started off by describing some extreme aspect of the game whether that be the weather conditions, something to do with the pitch or one of the back four using their left foot. This week is no exception, but is by far the most extreme phenomena that has tested the resolve of the lads to date. The Tenterden Pitch has officially been recorded with land registry as covering approximately half of Kent. Indeed at kick off, Jarvis (on the right) and Toby (on the left) were actually standing in different post codes.

The coaches felt the effects of the widest pitch in the world as well. Richard was so much further from the equator than Nigel (watnobibs), who was stood on the opposite side in temperature which was actually two degrees warmer.

I think you can get the drift as to how wide the pitch actually was. I remarked about the back four using mobiles to communicate last week, well this week credit is low, as right back to left back was actually charged as at an international rate. I’ll try not to go on about it any more but it was a wide pitch. An official measurement recorded the pitch as 100 paces wide (as per the Goggy Bennet gait) compared to the 77 paces of a standard full size adult pitch. Get the picture – very, very wide.

With several hours to spare before kick off (have I mentioned we got there early) Richard seized the opportunity to sit the lads down and demonstrate his prowess at backgammon. He was seen animatedly sliding little counters around a board. Someone said that he was trying to show them the positions and tactics for the game but given the puzzled looks on their faces, and detailed questions about the reason for the yellow counter, I’m quite sure that it was a backgammon master class, still it did kill a good bit of time and all adds to the players enrichment.

Whatever it was it had the desired effect with the ‘Hoppers eventually coming away 11-1 winners. That result would not have been predicted in the opening minutes as Tenterden, buoyant after defeating Hailsham the previous day, came at us and did ruffle our feathers, a disallowed goal (for offside) in the second minute was the wake up call that was needed.

Once we settled into our stride it was all one way traffic with a number of the lads getting on the score sheet. Jarvis opened the tally after 5 minutes with a superb chip over the keeper, who at full stretch was still a good three feet under the crossbar, they were very big goals to go with the very big pitch. Tommy scored his first of the game in the 8^th minute, as Tenterden stopped, for what they felt was an offside, the Ref waived play on and a well struck shot put us 2-0 up. Jarvis then turned provider after 27 minutes with a cross from the left edge of the box setting up Toby for the first of his hattrick, a great goal reminiscent of last weeks strike at Crowborough. Clearly having enjoyed his goal so much he then celebrated with another one, almost directly from the kick off Toby picked up the ball and ran it directly through and finished nicely, 4-0 half time!

The Tenterden high from the previous day was plummeting as they were put under increasing pressure from the physical demands of the pitch and a coach who was beginning to suffer from the onset of tourette’s syndrome.

After a bright start to the second half from Tenterden bus the ‘Hoppers were soon back on their game and rightly brought a further stretch to the lead, goals were in so quickly over the next 5 or 6 minutes that it was hard to keep a note of them. Josh scored in the 42^nd minute with a nice finish shortly followed by Toby in the 43^rd, a good ball from Tommy had Toby running at the defence and scoring to complete his hattrick. Further goals from Josh and Tommy in the 46^th and 48^th minutes followed.

A nice cross from Fergus on the 50th minute then set up Regan who’d popped up in an unusual forward position at the far post to blast a ball into the top of the net, it was then followed up with another one after 52 minutes. Not to be out done Ollie also scored with a nice finish in between Regan’s goal celebrations. At 11-0 down credit to the Tenterden lads who kept going and some late pressure which despite some off the line defending and great saves by Henry eventually brought them a well deserved goal, but there was only ever going to be one outcome with a deserved Uckfield win.

Despite the size of the pitch which was never going to promote good football the lads did manage to pass the ball about well and there was some good movement. Fergus as always put himself about and on one overlapping run added 463 metres to his Pro Zone stats and that was just on the run outside (Have I said that the pitch was very wide).

With Tonbridge having secured their place as League winners on saturday it was good to see the lads keep their foot on the gas and give it their all. Hopefully they will take that into their final match of the season and give us all a game to remember.

Richard says that he’ll be bringing Snakes and Ladders and Ludo on wednesday night (a Sudoku masterclass date is tba) so if anyone wants to get there early he’ll show what a dab hand he is at that match too.

Well that was a bit more like it, as the saying goes “revenge is a dish best served cold”, and cold it certainly was for an away “double header” on what felt like a November morning, at least the forecast rain had held off! Having already lost two games Crowborough really needed wins to keep their league chances alive, could there be any more incentive for a full hoppers team to avenge that 7-1 cup loss, and try to put their own challenge back on track…

We had a good number of away supporters as usual (thanks, its great to see) including our very own cowboy posse, half of which had come back early from holiday in Spain to cheer us on. On a pitch where playing in space was easy given that it was big enough to necessitate the back four using mobile phones to communicate with each other and every short pass being equal to the normal long ball! We came away with two good results against opposition who had turned us over 7-1 earlier in the season (albeit if you read the report for that match the result wasn’t a fair reflection of the game.) Double headers are notorious for the second game not living up to the expectations of the first and so it was today. But, it was a more positive performance and one that has led me to get the face paints ready, the wig’s looking good and I’ve been practising my juggling, so the rest is up to you!

I’ve been to the hardware shop this week and bought an enormous spoon as I am about to indulge in a large slice of humble pie. I’ve been feeling a bit bad about the rants I’ve been going off on, and fear that I could be turning into an Arsene Winger, complaining about everything and everyone. But no, this week I’ve been a bit of a ‘stato’ and had a look at the picture for the season as a whole. And whilst I’ve had the occasional fluster, bluster and boot of the odd tea cup, the reading has been very encouraging. And for that I am about to praise you all.

So if you’re all sitting comfortably, I will begin.

Out of twenty matches played this season, so far, in all competitions, we’ve won 12, lost 5 and drawn 3. We’ve scored 77 goals and conceded 32 giving a goal difference of +45, we’ve also kept a clean sheet on four separate occasions. What I believe this shows is a level of consistency that until now has gone largely unnoticed as I’ve wielded my pen, or more accurately the worn out my index finger, and been quite negative about performances and attitude. At the time I’ve always written it as I’ve felt it, but now on reflection I think it is fair to say that it has been a largely impressive season, so well done team (so far!).

Anyway onto the football, which given all the excitement has given me a touch of the ’senior moments’ as some of the details escape me! However, we kicked off uphill, in a 4-5-1 formation and with some good passing and strong tackling we got into the game quickly and started to apply the pressure. Following a scramble for the ball just inside the Crowborough penalty area, Tommy used his strength to win the ball and shoot through a number of legs to put us 1-0 up after 9 minutes. A stunned Crowborough failed to respond and two minutes later Jarvis put us 2-0 up with another one of his great strikes into the top corner of the net. Further chances followed and the hoppers had the upper hand until the 18^th minute when a long range shot from Crowborough clawed them back to 2-1 just before half time. Thoughts of the previous week ran through the mind but after a quick halftime break and switch to 4-3-3 the hoppers were clearly having none of it, a second goal for Tommy in the 1^st minute and one for Toby in the 4^th put us 4-1 up. The result never looked in doubt and was sealed four minutes from time with a well earned goal from Freddie. It was a good performance from front to back with everyone giving their all, talking, passing and working for each other, including the unused subs who had shouted encouragement from the sidelines through the game. One down one to go…

A 10 minute break saw the return of the coaches fruit and veg stall with bananas handed out and washed down by energy drinks, all in prep for game two. Again we started uphill and continued to apply pressure making a number of chances. In the 13^th minute Jarvis broke down the right and crossed a fabulous ball from near the corner flag which Toby duly smashed into the top left of the net, 1-0. At the start of the second half the game was poised at 1-0, we weren’t looking quite as convincing as the shape had been lost and were very narrow, both teams created a number of chances with the hoppers shading it but not managing to find the net, you could feel the pressure mounting. With 10 minutes to go Crowborough slid a ball into our penalty area, Matt got back to beat Henry to it but with his back to the pitch and to huge shouts from the sidelines panicked thinking a boro player was behind him and tried a left foot clearance (or maybe slipped on a carelessly discarded banana skin….) only to see the ball sail into the net, 1-1. As sure as missed open goals or penalties, these happen to the best of them, its an occupational hazard for a defender or keeper but football is won and lost as a team, so chin up Matt, as all men know…."its easier to seek forgiveness than ask permission".  With 10 to go we still created enough chances to win it with William breaking down the right, some good attacking throw ins from Matt and Freddie and Toby both breaking through the middle. But it never quite happened and you could clearly see the two games had taken their toll on both teams with tiredness visible in a number of players, final score 1-1.

It was a great performance from all the squad, and special mention for Fergus who got home early from his holiday and played a big part for the team. As I said at the start you’ve come a long way this season, thanks to your hard work and the dedication of your coaches and helpers, its also clear that there’s a lot more to come from this team in the future.

With two games to go you can rightly finish the season on a high, well done boys, keep it up.

Don’t forget this week the Grasshoppers Managers, Coaches and Dad’s FC is taking on a Wealden FC equivalent. Kick off is at 7.30 pm at Wealden FC’s ground behind the Raj Dut Restaurant (are they paying for advertising for this mention?) Please come along and lend your support as you witness some old fools rolling back the years, knee supports and girdles. There will be some familiar flushed faces in the team so take this opportunity to come along and shout at those who spend their Saturday’s shouting at you.

I’ve delayed sitting down to write this weeks ramblings as I want to avoid being too negative. I feel that I may have been a bit harsh in recent weeks, not that I feel that what I have written is anything other than what is justified given the performance that I’ve witnessed from the ‘The Edge’of the pitch. Still, what the heck, there is no point in saying it was good when it wasn’t and that the spectators left more disappointed than the team, but probably not nearly as disappointed as the coaches….

We probably all have an opinion on what went well and what did not. I was once told that opinions are like buttocks, we all have them but they do not necessarily have to be aired in public. I indeed have an opinion about the performance against Tonbridge Juniors and like the true ‘Mooner’ I am I will bear it to the assembled readership….."Tonbridge Juniors FC want to win the league more than Uckfield Grasshoppers FC"  The reason I say this is that despite going two nil down, each and every one of their players put their hand up and said,

“I’m up for this, I will run, challenge, think about what I am doing, help and encourage each and every one of my team mates and despite the fact that we have gone a couple of goals down, we can do it and I’m going to play my part in proving it.”

They all believed they could do it and their belief was proved right. Our lads gave the impression that when we went a couple of goals up they thought, “That’s OK then this is easy” so when Tonbridge came back, we couldn’t find the grit and determination and desire to match that of the opposition, to the point that a lot of our lads ‘went missing’ in the second half and were happy to leave it to others to try and put things right. Individuals do not win matches, teams do and as a team we were found wanting, its been coming for the last couple of matches too.

I’m as guilty as the next person for focusing everything toward winning the league and have probably harped on a bit about it in my match reports. I make no apologies for having done this as I believed, and still believe, that the Lads have the talent and ability to win the league and get promoted to play in the top division, where those talents should be displayed. As much as it pains me to say it, it should always be about the kids enjoyment of football, and their improvement as players, I think that we as parents and spectators want it more than them. I hope that they prove me wrong and if they do so I will come to the last home match of the season dressed as the clown I hope I am proved to be.

So for all you players, I want you to prove it to yourselves that you can do it, but as a little incentive I promise that if you win the league (2^nd place doesn’t count!) I will come to your final home match dressed in a full clown suit and let you tell me how wrong I was.

As I say I am not convinced about the desire to win the league, so from now on I intend to focus on the football and forget about titles.

The writing was on the wall for today when Henry picked up an ankle injury in the warm up forcing him to retire before a ball had been kicked. This necessitated a quick reshuffle with Regan going between the posts and Freddie coming off the bench to grab a starting place.

It is fair to say that Regan put in a superb performance in goal. He came off his line beautifully and was vocal and commanding in his area, with a pair of President Sarkosy’s  football boots giving him a couple more inches he could be pushing Henry for the rightful owner of the gloves. He held onto the ball well and his distribution was good so keep up the good work and the competition for the No. 1 jersey.

The first half was a return to traditional Grasshoppers performance. Like Magnolia paint, nothing too exciting but a reliable and a firm favourite. It was what we’ve come to expect of our boy’s, good passing and movement. Toby was effective down the right putting some good passes through to the front two and indeed it was a Toby cross that led to the first goal and with Freddie slotting it home with his left foot (other players take note, you are allowed to use both feet!) to take a lead  against the run of play.

With that things looked to be getting better with Matt and Harry (Coleman) Fergus and Crispy keeping things tight at the back. We had all settled ourselves in to a comfortable win. How wrong we were.

A couple of minutes into the second half Josh took a leaf out of Freddie’s book and blasted a well struck (left foot) shot past the Tonbridge keeper to make it 2 – 0, things were looking rosy. Jarvis or as he should be called ‘Sniper’ given his accurate long range shots troubled the keeper on more than a few occasions but luck wasn’t with him today despite a number of good efforts.

Half time saw the team and coaches head off in buoyant mood, little did we realise that somebody must have doctored the halftime drinks with some sedatives. Either that or the boys had double pie and chips as a halftime snack as the team that came out for the second half was devoid of any get up and go. Twice Tonbridge split the defence easier than a very specialised splitting tool to score goals that should never have made it as far as our 18 yard box. Then a free kick was awarded. Many people were heard to say that it wasn’t a free kick. (Note. If the referee blows his whistle and says free kick, that indicates that it is a free kick) This was the free kick that trickled into the goal watched by their players, our players, the parents, coaching staff, referee, linesmen, passing motorists, nearby residents, two dogs and several hundred passengers on the EZY297 returning to Gatwick from Alicante. Indeed unofficially 437 people watched the ball roll past every player on the pitch to end up in the Grasshopper goal. The time it took from leaving the takers foot to crossing the goal lines seemed like 4 minutes 32 seconds and still nobody thought about clearing it. I’m sure I heard a debate along the lines of “I bet he tries to clear it”, “No I think it will be him,” “Actually I’ve thought about both of them and I think it would be much better if he did it”. Next time try thinking, ‘That’s mine I’m going to clear it’. See what a difference that would make.

Three two down from two nil up. Not good, but we did manage to bring it back to three all with a well taken second from Freddie. Then Tonbridge unleashed their specialised splitting tool which drew a well used coaching phrase from Andy Coleman that due to copywrite issues with Alex Ferguson and Wayne Rooney cannot be quoted on these pages, 3-4 and Tonbridge ran out worthy winners.

I do not like to single players out for special mention so I won’t say that Fergus led by example in the second half and ran non stop for the full duration of the match leading by example, putting in the effort expected until the final whistle. Where was everyone else??? Oops I’ve mentioned it so well done Fergus.

There are only a couple of games left, your fate is still in your hands.

I’ve got the clown suit ready…..Only you can make me wear it.

The Big question is…who’s the clown?

It seems that this is a season of weather extremes, the boys have played in freezing conditions, torrential rain and today in a driving wind, which was so bad that even Andy Coleman had a bad hair day….

Whilst I like to remain positive, as I sit down to write this I feel a bit like Leonard Cohen (or Morrisy for the younger readers) and find it difficult to be upbeat. The first half performance was like the weather, awful. Maybe its expecting a bit too much, but we know how well we can play and this wasn’t anywhere close to the usual standard. I stood and thought that it was the usual slow start and things would pick up, but how wrong I was, at least for the first half. The only thing to pick up was the wind, which got so strong that it put me in mind of the Wizard of Oz and at any moment we could have been off to see the wizard.

In fact there might have been a good reason for heading off down the yellow brick road, as the three things that seemed to be missing from the first half performance were, brains courage, and heart.

Brains - In passing and movement of the ball. Too many times the lads were standing looking for the ball to be played to feet instead of into spaces, not thinking about movement and anticipation and generally lacking in the communication that had been so good in the last match at Tonbridge. (Scarecrow played by Andy Crisp)

Courage - In the tackle, too many times we were second to the ball, jumped into tackles with our backs turned, didn’t close down or get our tackles in. We pulled out of heading the ball too, with only Harry Coleman and Jarvis showing the grit and determination to put their head on it. All credit to Harry Coleman though, he put his head in to win balls that the opposition were going for with their feet……a real chip off the old block is Harry. We’re not asking for suicidal tendencies but a demonstration of a desire to win the ball and win matches. (Lion played by Nigel Lampard)

Heart - To win the league is not a divine right, it has to be earned. It means crossing the white line and giving 100%, 100% of the time. The conditions were not good but they were the same for both teams, too many lads come off with energy left in the engine. That’s not what is expected, if you come off not feeling knackered you’ve not given your all and that means letting your team mates, the coaches and those who have come to support you down. If you want to win the league, and you’ve got the talent to do it, then you have to take a long hard look at yourselves, and ask if you have given the 100% that is required. (Tin Man played by Richard Townsley)

As I’ve said they were the qualities that were lacking in the first half and had a few of us clicking our ruby slippers saying, “I wan’t to go home!”

Langton had much of the possession and chances in the first half, which was played mostly in our half, and they took a deserved lead in the 9^th minute of the game. Their lead shortly cancelled out by the best double act since Cannon and Ball, indeed that is what Jarvis and Fergus have become. Jarvis fires the Cannon from the corner and the Ball is inevitably met by Fergus to slot home, 13 minutes 1-1.

Following a Grasshoppers break with Freddie chasing down three defenders! Langton scored an unfortunate own goal with one of their defenders just putting the ball inside the post, rather than out for the intended cosrner. So 16^th minutes and 2-1, despite being under the cosh for the first half we saved our blushes as the whistle went and the lads headed in, for a further blast of wind from Richards hairdryer, at least they avoided the sleet!

With Fergus and Josh having already run in the District Cross country meeting that morning (both doing very well and finishing well up the field, well done boys!) a tactical change saw Jarvis fall back into midfield to support Fergus win some more balls in the middle of the park. Regan dropped into right back and Ollie came on up front to partner Josh.

The changes had the desired effect and Grasshoppers got much more into the game. Brandon had an outstanding game in the middle of defence and Regan put in some crunching tackles from right back where he’d replaced Matt. Things were looking up and it wasn’t long before Ollie had broke through the centre to put us 3-1 up after 40 minutes, it was a sublime finish ably slotted past their keeper. The game was still far from over and Langton struck again after 44 minutes to make it 3-2 and were still right in it. But 5 minutes later Patrick McManus put in a great cross to find Toby unmarked at the back of the box who then produced a fine strike from to make it 4-2. Ollie sealed the win in the 58^th minute with another fine strike and the Grasshoppers to come out victorious.

The majority of the lads out there and the team as a whole can play a lot better than the performance we saw today. I guess it was more “Avram Grant” Chelsea (ie win ugly) than the “Arsene Wenger” Arsenal we were starting to get used to.

What was good was that despite having an off day with things not going well, we still came away with three points Just think what you can achieve if you put all those things right. The coaches can only guide you and try and improve your technique, don’t just practise the basics until you get them right, practise them until you don’t get them wrong. Today, for large parts of the game, the basics were missing - passing, moving and tackling

So having said that, there were some positives and good moments of play, Brandon had one of his best performances to date, Patrick came on and immediately got involved and contributed, and Henry continues to improve with his reading of the game and coming off his line and kept us in it in the first half. Ollie continues to improve with match experience and with two good goals we’ve some good competition for the places up front.

A win is a win and 5-2 was a good result, all of us on the touchline know you have the ability to win the league. Do you have the commitment and desire? Only you can answer that question by your attitude, approach to training and application and effort on match days.

So we’ve now done matches in freezing, wet and windy conditions, roll on the sunshine….

This weeks performance secured the result and could be described by that old spring saying of ‘In like a lion, out like a lamb’.

If anything I suppose it was good to see the intensity at the start of the match, as opposed to the usual hang around for ten minutes, before realising the reason why the opposition have started running about on the same patch of grass, and those adults on the side are hollering at the top of their voices, dropping to their knees in despair, and trying their utmost not to widen their vocabulary in a totally inappropriate manner, is because the whistle has gone and the match has actually started!!

Anyway, impressive it was, with a first minute goal from Jarvis setting us off and then 15 – 20 minutes of great football from the whole team, aside from the football the most impressive part, was the communication amongst the team. The volume of chat could actually be heard from the touchline, particularly amongst the defence, which was led in no small part by the back four general, Harry Coleman. It seemed that the others fed off Coleman’s enthusiasm and in no time everyone was keeping each other right. It was great to see this side of the team develop and credit must be given to Richard, Nigel & Andy for introducing a buddy system to promote communication within the team. An imaginative bit of coaching that was showing it’s dividends in the early part of the game.

As the game wore on however it became like an awkward first date when you had run out of things to say, that embarrassing silence sets in and it is simply glances that are exchanged. Still it was a good start and hopefully that aspect of the lads game will develop, and like any relationship that gets beyond the first date, will ultimately lead to incessant chat and at times will be like a marriage, with one party being nagged from time to time….. For the time being however let’s all keep it positive and encouraging, oh and that include’s you Mr Woods!

The impressive communication was matched in no small part by the play on the pitch. On a good flat surface the lads were able to show the intention to play the game how it should be played, on the ground with good passing, vision and movement. The interplay between Fergus, Toby and Jarvis being particularly impressive down the right flank. The important learning point for the team is to make your passing positive and timely. When you see it pass it. On occasions the ball gets carried a couple of yards too far which allows the opposition to close down and prevent the pass getting away cleanly. It’s better to see the pass early, lay it off and move into position to contribute further. Let the ball do the work.

Tommy and Brandon both battled hard winning 50/50 balls and setting the bar for others who sometimes hang off when the ball is there to be won.

Goals were forthcoming but special mention must be reserved for Josh ‘Di Canio’ Holden (or for the younger generation Josh ‘Van Persie’ ) who thundered a rear post volley into the net from a Jarvis corner in the 14 minute and which must challenge some of Jarv’s long range efforts for goal of the season. It was a strike that Arthur Scargill would have been proud of. Not to be out done Jarvis followed up to make it 3-0 after 15 minutes, a rout looked on the cards but credit to Tonbridge they got a goal back just before half time and kept themselves in it.

It was business as usual in the second half, but as I’ve already mentioned with the volume turned down. Freddie came and showed his continued improvement in playing some sensible layoffs and avoiding the temptation to take on one player too many. It is this team play that’s improved the overall performance of the team and made us a force to be reckoned with.

Tonbridge were right back in it and were a much better side in the second half, with constant pressure and a number of good chances created, Henry made a great, one handed, diving save in the 36th minute to keep the score at 3-1. Having ran his legs off all day it was a well deserved goal from Toby in the 45th minute to make it 4-1, having chased the ball in after a Grasshoppers shot Toby picked up the rebound off the keeper to calmly put it in the net. Again I know this is something the coaches have been saying all season so good to see the boys finally starting to follow up on their shots on goal.

With 10 minutes to go Tonbridge made it 4-2 and continued to keep on the pressure, with an offside goal it could have been a very tight last few minutes but the performance from the opening 20 paid off. We did defend too deeply, stood off in midfield and got a bit narrow to invite the pressure but the game was won and these are all areas to work in training.

Individual player development has also increased competition for places so nobody is guaranteed a starting place, everyone now needs to battle for their place both in training and in matches. It’s everyone’s individual responsibility to do their best at all times, put in 100% effort 100% of the time and display a positive attitude to improving in drills and practice games. If you put in less than 100% in effort or attitude then you stand a good chance of loosing your place, with no one to blame but yourself.

The second half also saw the introduction of a bit of entrepreneurial genius with the Grasshoppers fruit and veg stall. Andy Crisp was seen setting up shop and distributing banana’s amongst the back four during a break in play. Andy informs us that next weeks special is Tomatoes 50p a pound. Get in early as sales are bound to be good.

One final special mention from Saturday’s game has to go to Patrick McM. who on being introduced to the game made a breathtaking run from the edge of the box to meet a cross with a new means of scoring…..‘a noser’. On this occasion he was cruelly denied by a goal line clearance. The coaches were not convinced with this tactic so let’s stick to the head Pat. Good effort though!

The march continues and finds the lads at the top of the League, still a long way to go and tough games ahead, but if key players are available and with performances like the first half, we have a very real chance of taking this League.