‘The Edge’ - Away vs Tenterden Tigers April 29, 2008
Posted by editor in : Matches , add a commentSome say, he’s on “The Apprentice” and taught Ballack how to take penalties, all we know is that he provides anonymous match reports and calls himself ‘The Edge’…
As dawn broke we said goodbye to our loved ones, not knowing what age they may be when we returned, and undertook the long expedition to Tenterden. The match was actually rescheduled to be played in Appledore, which seemed to be a small hamlet just outside Calais, so we had our first ever international game to play! We arrived in plenty of time, indeed, several of the travelling support had time for a picnic and a read of the Sunday papers before the opposition arrived. We were all grateful for the early start as it meant we missed the traffic…..as well as an extra hours kip!
The journey had such an effect on Jarvis that he needed an isotonic sausage roll, high carb crisps, a protein packed mars bar and a powerade just to face the task ahead. And what a task he and his team were about to endure.
This season I’ve often started off by describing some extreme aspect of the game whether that be the weather conditions, something to do with the pitch or one of the back four using their left foot. This week is no exception, but is by far the most extreme phenomena that has tested the resolve of the lads to date. The Tenterden Pitch has officially been recorded with land registry as covering approximately half of Kent. Indeed at kick off, Jarvis (on the right) and Toby (on the left) were actually standing in different post codes.
The coaches felt the effects of the widest pitch in the world as well. Richard was so much further from the equator than Nigel (watnobibs), who was stood on the opposite side in temperature which was actually two degrees warmer.
I think you can get the drift as to how wide the pitch actually was. I remarked about the back four using mobiles to communicate last week, well this week credit is low, as right back to left back was actually charged as at an international rate. I’ll try not to go on about it any more but it was a wide pitch. An official measurement recorded the pitch as 100 paces wide (as per the Goggy Bennet gait) compared to the 77 paces of a standard full size adult pitch. Get the picture – very, very wide.
With several hours to spare before kick off (have I mentioned we got there early) Richard seized the opportunity to sit the lads down and demonstrate his prowess at backgammon. He was seen animatedly sliding little counters around a board. Someone said that he was trying to show them the positions and tactics for the game but given the puzzled looks on their faces, and detailed questions about the reason for the yellow counter, I’m quite sure that it was a backgammon master class, still it did kill a good bit of time and all adds to the players enrichment.
Whatever it was it had the desired effect with the ‘Hoppers eventually coming away 11-1 winners. That result would not have been predicted in the opening minutes as Tenterden, buoyant after defeating Hailsham the previous day, came at us and did ruffle our feathers, a disallowed goal (for offside) in the second minute was the wake up call that was needed.
Once we settled into our stride it was all one way traffic with a number of the lads getting on the score sheet. Jarvis opened the tally after 5 minutes with a superb chip over the keeper, who at full stretch was still a good three feet under the crossbar, they were very big goals to go with the very big pitch. Tommy scored his first of the game in the 8th minute, as Tenterden stopped, for what they felt was an offside, the Ref waived play on and a well struck shot put us 2-0 up. Jarvis then turned provider after 27 minutes with a cross from the left edge of the box setting up Toby for the first of his hattrick, a great goal reminiscent of last weeks strike at Crowborough. Clearly having enjoyed his goal so much he then celebrated with another one, almost directly from the kick off Toby picked up the ball and ran it directly through and finished nicely, 4-0 half time!
The Tenterden high from the previous day was plummeting as they were put under increasing pressure from the physical demands of the pitch and a coach who was beginning to suffer from the onset of tourette’s syndrome.
After a bright start to the second half from Tenterden bus the ‘Hoppers were soon back on their game and rightly brought a further stretch to the lead, goals were in so quickly over the next 5 or 6 minutes that it was hard to keep a note of them. Josh scored in the 42nd minute with a nice finish shortly followed by Toby in the 43rd, a good ball from Tommy had Toby running at the defence and scoring to complete his hattrick. Further goals from Josh and Tommy in the 46th and 48th minutes followed.
A nice cross from Fergus on the 50th minute then set up Regan who’d popped up in an unusual forward position at the far post to blast a ball into the top of the net, it was then followed up with another one after 52 minutes. Not to be out done Ollie also scored with a nice finish in between Regan’s goal celebrations. At 11-0 down credit to the Tenterden lads who kept going and some late pressure which despite some off the line defending and great saves by Henry eventually brought them a well deserved goal, but there was only ever going to be one outcome with a deserved Uckfield win.
Despite the size of the pitch which was never going to promote good football the lads did manage to pass the ball about well and there was some good movement. Fergus as always put himself about and on one overlapping run added 463 metres to his Pro Zone stats and that was just on the run outside (Have I said that the pitch was very wide).
With Tonbridge having secured their place as League winners on saturday it was good to see the lads keep their foot on the gas and give it their all. Hopefully they will take that into their final match of the season and give us all a game to remember.
Richard says that he’ll be bringing Snakes and Ladders and Ludo on wednesday night (a Sudoku masterclass date is tba) so if anyone wants to get there early he’ll show what a dab hand he is at that match too.
‘The Edge’ - Away Double Header vs Crowborough Athletic April 21, 2008
Posted by editor in : Matches , add a commentSome say, he was driving James Bond’s Aston Martin near Lake Garda and won a Bafta, all we know is that he provides anonymous match reports and calls himself ‘The Edge’…
Well that was a bit more like it, as the saying goes “revenge is a dish best served cold”, and cold it certainly was for an away “double header” on what felt like a November morning, at least the forecast rain had held off! Having already lost two games Crowborough really needed wins to keep their league chances alive, could there be any more incentive for a full hoppers team to avenge that 7-1 cup loss, and try to put their own challenge back on track…
We had a good number of away supporters as usual (thanks, its great to see) including our very own cowboy posse, half of which had come back early from holiday in Spain to cheer us on. On a pitch where playing in space was easy given that it was big enough to necessitate the back four using mobile phones to communicate with each other and every short pass being equal to the normal long ball! We came away with two good results against opposition who had turned us over 7-1 earlier in the season (albeit if you read the report for that match the result wasn’t a fair reflection of the game.) Double headers are notorious for the second game not living up to the expectations of the first and so it was today. But, it was a more positive performance and one that has led me to get the face paints ready, the wig’s looking good and I’ve been practising my juggling, so the rest is up to you!
I’ve been to the hardware shop this week and bought an enormous spoon as I am about to indulge in a large slice of humble pie. I’ve been feeling a bit bad about the rants I’ve been going off on, and fear that I could be turning into an Arsene Winger, complaining about everything and everyone. But no, this week I’ve been a bit of a ‘stato’ and had a look at the picture for the season as a whole. And whilst I’ve had the occasional fluster, bluster and boot of the odd tea cup, the reading has been very encouraging. And for that I am about to praise you all.
So if you’re all sitting comfortably, I will begin.
Out of twenty matches played this season, so far, in all competitions, we’ve won 12, lost 5 and drawn 3. We’ve scored 77 goals and conceded 32 giving a goal difference of +45, we’ve also kept a clean sheet on four separate occasions. What I believe this shows is a level of consistency that until now has gone largely unnoticed as I’ve wielded my pen, or more accurately the worn out my index finger, and been quite negative about performances and attitude. At the time I’ve always written it as I’ve felt it, but now on reflection I think it is fair to say that it has been a largely impressive season, so well done team (so far!).
Anyway onto the football, which given all the excitement has given me a touch of the ’senior moments’ as some of the details escape me! However, we kicked off uphill, in a 4-5-1 formation and with some good passing and strong tackling we got into the game quickly and started to apply the pressure. Following a scramble for the ball just inside the Crowborough penalty area, Tommy used his strength to win the ball and shoot through a number of legs to put us 1-0 up after 9 minutes. A stunned Crowborough failed to respond and two minutes later Jarvis put us 2-0 up with another one of his great strikes into the top corner of the net. Further chances followed and the hoppers had the upper hand until the 18th minute when a long range shot from Crowborough clawed them back to 2-1 just before half time. Thoughts of the previous week ran through the mind but after a quick halftime break and switch to 4-3-3 the hoppers were clearly having none of it, a second goal for Tommy in the 1st minute and one for Toby in the 4th put us 4-1 up. The result never looked in doubt and was sealed four minutes from time with a well earned goal from Freddie. It was a good performance from front to back with everyone giving their all, talking, passing and working for each other, including the unused subs who had shouted encouragement from the sidelines through the game. One down one to go…
A 10 minute break saw the return of the coaches fruit and veg stall with bananas handed out and washed down by energy drinks, all in prep for game two. Again we started uphill and continued to apply pressure making a number of chances. In the 13th minute Jarvis broke down the right and crossed a fabulous ball from near the corner flag which Toby duly smashed into the top left of the net, 1-0. At the start of the second half the game was poised at 1-0, we weren’t looking quite as convincing as the shape had been lost and were very narrow, both teams created a number of chances with the hoppers shading it but not managing to find the net, you could feel the pressure mounting. With 10 minutes to go Crowborough slid a ball into our penalty area, Matt got back to beat Henry to it but with his back to the pitch and to huge shouts from the sidelines panicked thinking a boro player was behind him and tried a left foot clearance (or maybe slipped on a carelessly discarded banana skin….) only to see the ball sail into the net, 1-1. As sure as missed open goals or penalties, these happen to the best of them, its an occupational hazard for a defender or keeper but football is won and lost as a team, so chin up Matt, as all men know…."its easier to seek forgiveness than ask permission". With 10 to go we still created enough chances to win it with William breaking down the right, some good attacking throw ins from Matt and Freddie and Toby both breaking through the middle. But it never quite happened and you could clearly see the two games had taken their toll on both teams with tiredness visible in a number of players, final score 1-1.
It was a great performance from all the squad, and special mention for Fergus who got home early from his holiday and played a big part for the team. As I said at the start you’ve come a long way this season, thanks to your hard work and the dedication of your coaches and helpers, its also clear that there’s a lot more to come from this team in the future.
With two games to go you can rightly finish the season on a high, well done boys, keep it up.
Don’t forget this week the Grasshoppers Managers, Coaches and Dad’s FC is taking on a Wealden FC equivalent. Kick off is at 7.30 pm at Wealden FC’s ground behind the Raj Dut Restaurant (are they paying for advertising for this mention?) Please come along and lend your support as you witness some old fools rolling back the years, knee supports and girdles. There will be some familiar flushed faces in the team so take this opportunity to come along and shout at those who spend their Saturday’s shouting at you.
‘The Edge’ - Home League vs Tonbridge Junior ‘B’ April 14, 2008
Posted by editor in : Matches , add a commentSome say, he won the London Marathon and then the US Masters, all we know is that he provides anonymous match reports and calls himself ‘The Edge’…
I’ve delayed sitting down to write this weeks ramblings as I want to avoid being too negative. I feel that I may have been a bit harsh in recent weeks, not that I feel that what I have written is anything other than what is justified given the performance that I’ve witnessed from the ‘The Edge’of the pitch. Still, what the heck, there is no point in saying it was good when it wasn’t and that the spectators left more disappointed than the team, but probably not nearly as disappointed as the coaches….
‘The Edge’ - Home League vs Langton Green April 1, 2008
Posted by editor in : Matches , 1 comment so farSome say, he trains the GB cycling team and can fix Terminal 5’s baggage system, all we know is that he provides anonymous match reports and calls himself ‘The Edge’…