‘The Edge’ - Lads v Dads Christmas Special December 23, 2007
Posted by editor in : Matches , trackbackSome say, he was the one who really taught Alesha to dance and for a small fee, could get you a Nintendo Wii, all we know is that he provides anonymous match reports and calls himself ‘The Edge’…
And so it came to pass as the star shone bright above the West Park Pavilion three wise men arrived for the annual Lads V Dads match. Nigel came with a cold, Andy with frankly no sense (think about it) and Richard with a Daily Mirror. And there the comparison ended, except that some divine intervention may have been needed to thaw what was a very hard playing surface. Still unperturbed and made of stronger stuff the teams pressed on.
Santa had come early for some of the Dad’s team, as more than one pair of gleaming new boots had been unboxed early showing that the wearers meant business. Richard Holden was kitted out in a gleaming new pair of footie boots along with his sportiest Adidas jeans and Climacool Xmas sweater, still he did put in a performance, oh what a performance, HE’S BEHIND YOU!!!!.
Martin Marlow also had a new pair out of the box, and they were up and down the wing with remarkable gusto, but whilst silly old Martin had brought the boots he unwisely decided to leave the oxygen bottle at home, but more of that later….MEDIC!!! ….Oh
Dads FC (FC stands for Football Club by the way!) lined up as follows. In Goal wearing his best orange gardening gloves was Danny ‘the cat’. Such was his performance that he was transferred midway into the first half and replaced by his much more active, agile and safe son Regan, who was a colossus in goal.
Across the back was Aiden ‘Red Mist’ McManus, who was determined to lift the trophy and any small child who got in his way, or had the audacity to take him on. Andy Coleman who was dispensing so much heat out the top of his head that there are reports from the Met Office that the hole in the ozone layer widened 3cm between
The midfield was dominated by Richard ‘Can I have a new pair of trackies for Christmas’ Townsley who oooohhhh’d and aaahhhhh’d his way through his own intricate slips and slides, that were passed off as feints and shoulder drops. He was ably supported by Nigel ‘Have I got your match fee yet, bah humbug’ Lampard who was dazzling or was that dazzled on the left flank whilst Martin ‘Iron Lung’ Marlow was a powerhouse up and down the left flank (If only it had been ten minutes each way……).
The strike force was formidable with Richard ‘Dressed for the Disco’ Holden in his shiney new boots along with Phil ‘Man Boobs’ Aldred who was sporting a particularly figure hugging bib on his top half whilst his dart player physique hung out below.
The match kicked off and it became immediately apparent that the quality of the adult play resembled that of ducks landing on a frozen pond, come to think of it the surface was like a frozen pond, as they hurled their hulks around the park neat jinking turns were noticeable by their absence. For the first minute and a half the Dad’s were all over them, practicing what they preached about neat passing football. That seemed to be the way forward as an ability to run for any sustained period seemed to be the weakness in many members of the side. Still, despite Regan pulling off a catalogue of fine saves the Dad’s took an early lead with some soft goals. Andy Coleman was dominant at set pieces rising high above his 4’6" opposition to take a couple of well directed headers. If he had boots on his head he could almost be a brazilian.
Phil ‘Have I told you about when Northern Ireland Beat England’ Aldred showed some good touches, and his trickery fooled himself on more than one occasion as he puffed his way tirelessly around the five square yards he occupied for the majority of the game.
Half time saw some much needed refreshments served by the ever present and supportive ladies. Than you girls for all your help, have we told you how much we value your help? No! Must remember to get round to doing that. (Note to self – thank the ladies)
The second half saw a mix up in the teams with some much needed youth being injected into the Dad’s team with the Lad’s team being inflicted with some of the older tired legs. This evened things up considerably but had obviously put a bit more pressure on Martin ‘MEDIC!!!!’ Marlow who it was rumoured saw the angel Gabriel which took his breath away completely. Suck it in Martin, suck it in. After some sideline TLC Martin did redeem himself and came back late in the game to slot home a screamer that he will no doubt bore his wife and children about for many months.
The match was level pegging the whole way through and it looked like the Dad’s, or was it the Lad’s might edge it when the mists descended once more and Aiden upended a minor in the box and a penalty awarded. Aiden was heard to call for the introduction of a video ref, as the 13 year old winner of the BBC young sportsman ward had a diving rival in the ranks of Uckfield Grasshoppers. Still his protestations fell on deaf ears as Freddie stepped up and slotted easily past a static Phil ‘Does my chest look big in this?’ Aldred who had by now donned the orange gardening gloves.
To the relief of many the final whistle sounded with honours were probably about even at somewhere around 7 all.
It was an excellent match, played in a good festive spirit and enjoyed by all who took part as well as those who were fortunate enough to witness the spectacle from the sidelines, including myself.
Oh yes, and there were even some kids who played as well, but they grab the headlines every week. So well done Dads and thanks for taking part, remember to get the dubbin on those boots and keep them soft for the end of season rematch.
Wishing you all a Wonderful Christmas and a Very Happy "promotion chasing" New Year.
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